IF ME CALLING YOU DUDE OR GURL CAUSES YOU TO HAVE DYSPHORIA YOU SHOULD tell me because you being comfortable is so much more important than some stupid slang
or when if i call you “man” because i know i do that a lot. please tell me if it causes dysphoria or just makes you upset in general. because i will stop because i love you.
Yetanothercriminalmindsfanatic asked h/r + surprise
It comes as a surprise when Reid throws caution to wind and asks Hotch out - he nervously explains that yes, it’s meant to be a date so Hotch nods, peers to both sides noticing a smiling Morgan and an excited Garcia, and accepts.
justjasper asked: hotch/reid, absence
Hotch sits on Jack’s bed and smoothes the cover with his left hand. “Missing him already?” Reid asks, resting against the door frame. “Yeah.” He answers. “It’s been a few hours since he left, Aaron.” Reid says, walking until he’s sitting beside his lover. “College will be awesome for Jack, stop moping, come on.”
*aggressively collects money in a video game*
*never buys anything with it*
it’s like some kind of sick security from not having real life money
it just feels so good
When watching a show I don’t think ‘Well politically correctly there should be two more minorities’
I’m thinking ‘This is suffocating, this isn’t what life is like, why do i not exist, why do my friends not exist, what the fuck is with this idealisation of one type of person?’
clueless creepiness vs skillful creepiness
There are two kinds of problems that get conflated a lot but aren’t actually that similar:
- People who do creepy things because they have trouble understanding boundaries
- People who do creepy things because they understand boundaries well and have highly developed skills at violating them with impunity
People who are good at violating boundaries and getting away with being creepy sometimes seem socially awkward, and sometimes don’t. Sometimes they get away with it by getting people to think things like “Oh, that’s Bill. He’s just awkward like that. He doesn’t mean anything by it,” and sometimes it’s more like, “I can’t believe James would do that! He’s like the nicest guy ever, and he does so much for this community. Don’t you remember the awesome party last month?”, and sometimes it’s more like, “Steve is really sensitive right now. Did you really have to turn him down like that? Couldn’t you have given him a chance? Don’t you understand how much courage it takes to approach a girl? What harm could giving him your number have done?”.
People who are inadvertently creepy *care* when they’ve violated boundaries, and try to fix it. Saying, “oh, they’re just awkward” isn’t doing them any favors, because people who are inadvertently creepy don’t *want* to trample all over other people’s boundaries. They want to know, so that they can stop doing it. This doesn’t mean it’s the job of victims of their creepy actions to explain it to them – it isn’t, particularly since most creepy people are doing it on purpose, and calling skillfully creepy people on things tends to go badly. I am mentioning this because skillfully creepy people often convince others that being “just awkward” means that everyone else is obligated to refrain from objecting to their creepy actions.
Skillfully creepy people who boundaries boundaries on purpose come up with excuses about why it was ok, and try to make you feel horrible for objecting. (Eg: “I was just being friendly! Learn to take a compliment!”, or “I know that if you were in your right mind, you wouldn’t have said that you didn’t want to spend time with me. I forgive you. We can still spend time together.”, or “Wow. Harsh. I guess girls really don’t go for nice guys. Have fun dating assholes.” or just getting a lot of people to laugh at you, or any number of other things.)
As a culture, we shouldn’t tolerate creepy behavior from anyone. Part of not tolerating it means assessing when people are being cluelessly creepy, and when people are being skillfully creepy.
If you are a supervisor/teacher/community leader, or otherwise someone responsible for intervening and keeping things safe, it’s important to respond appropriately. Communities need to help cluelessly creepy people understand how to act, and to expel skillfully creepy people so that they can’t keep preventing the people they hurt from being part of the community.